STRAIGHT A STUDENT COMMITS SUICIDE OVER O-LEVEL RESULTS, MUM TAKES HER OWN LIFE MONTHS LATER
Straight-As student commits suicide over 2 Bs at O levels; mum kills herself 3 months later
By MAUREEN KOH
She is still coming to terms with the devastating death of her teenage granddaughter, who committed suicide over scoring two Bs in her O levels.
Then, three months after the 16-year-old plunged to her death, Madam Ng Siang Mui's grief-stricken and guilt-ridden daughter, who was the teen's mother, also killed herself.
The tragic double deaths has left her son-in-law, who is the teen's father, mentally unstable.
Fortunately, more children and teenagers have been seeking help for suicidal thoughts, said the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).
In an interview with The New Paper, Madam Ng, 71, shared the devastation and anguish of the triple tragedy that began in January this year.
She was reluctant to speak at first, noting that the death had torn the family apart.
Madam Ng initially said: "Talking to you now is useless. My daughter is dead. My granddaughter is dead."
She changed her mind later because she hoped that sharing their story could help highlight early intervention and save more lives.
Madam Ng said that in January, just three hours after getting her results slip, her granddaughter jumped to her death.
Except for two Bs - in English and Mathematics - the student had scored distinctions for her other subjects.
The only child left a note for her parents: "Mum, I am sorry for being a disappointment. I should have done better.
"Dad, I am sorry you will not have the chance to walk me down the (church) aisle to give me away."
The child's parents used to fight over their daughter's education. The girl had been a straight-As student who attended a top school.
The mum wanted to push her to excel and her dad felt that the child should be left alone.
"My Xiao Mei (her granddaughter's nickname) was always affected whenever her parents fought over her studies," Madam Ng said in Khek.
At Madam Ng's request, we are not naming the parents or their child.
Madam Ng said: "My son-in-law felt very sorry for his daughter. He used to approach me to help him talk to my daughter, to ask her not to push Xiao Mei too hard. He felt that they should let Xiao Mei be, as she was a good girl.
"Whenever I tried to broach the issue with my daughter, she'd get angry and tell me not to interfere with the way she wanted to bring her child up.
"She often compared Xiao Mei's results with those of her friends' children and would ask, 'How come so and so can do this and you cannot?'"
Xiao Mei's mother wanted her to get into medical school.
A family friend, Mrs Lynn Wee, 45, a housewife, spoke of how she and three other close friends had tried to keep watch over Xiao Mei's mother after the funeral.
Mrs Wee said: "She maintained a stoic front and even admitted that she would have been disappointed with her child's academic performance."
But that facade slowly slipped in the weeks that followed, said Madam Ng, who has three grandsons from two other children.
Madam Ng said that a month after Xiao Mei's death, her father moved out.
"That broke my daughter's heart. I think it was then that she, too, gave up living.
"When Xiao Mei died, I didn't just lose one child. Her mother, my own daughter, killed herself three months later."
Madam Ng recalled the conversation she had with her daughter a day before she killed herself.
"She told me, 'Ma, I shouldn't have pressurised Xiao Mei in her studies. You didn't do that to us when we were young and we all turned out fine'."
The New Paper understands that Xiao Mei's father is seeking psychiatric help.
Added Madam Ng: "If only we had noticed or realised that Xiao Mei was suffering, we could have asked for professional help and this tragedy would have been prevented."
When Xiao Mei died, I didn't just lose one child. Her mother, my own daughter, killed herself three months later.
- Madam Ng Siang Mui
Early treatment helped teen improve
His parents divorced when he was in primary school.
The split devastated him so much that he fell into depression.
His world spiralled downwards - at home and in school, so much that he even harboured thoughts of suicide.
Psychiatrist Dr Thomas Lee, who recounted the case study, said his client was a 16-year-old student from a well-known secondary school.
Besides feeling depressed every day, the teen also suffered from insomnia, poor concentration, poor appetite and other symptoms of depression, said Dr Lee.
"He had very low self-esteem. He felt angry and negative about people and the world. Significantly, he harboured persistent suicidal thoughts."
He even immersed himself in a suicide forum.
Dr Lee said: "He did not have any intent to end his life. But he was at risk."
Luckily, his family stepped in and took him for professional assessment and treatment, which included medication and psychotherapy.
He has gone for treatment for two years now and is showing improvement.
"We taught him appropriate ways to handle stress and to manage his negative thinking," said Dr Lee.
The teen, too, has a safety plan.
A school counsellor attends to his case and the school has been understanding when he skipped lessons.
Dr Lee said: "This case highlights the importance of having early professional intervention, and continuing support from the family and school." - Chai Hung Yin
DANGER SIGNS AND HOW YOU CAN HELP
Some signs of suicide risk:
- Increased withdrawal from family, friends and school
- Lack of interest in favourite activities
- Trouble focusing
- Suicidal threats
- Complaints about being a bad person or feeling like a burden
- Expressions of hopelessness
- An overwhelming sense of shame or guilt
- A dramatic change in personality or appearance
- Changes in eating or sleeping habits
- A severe drop in school performance
- A lack of interest in the future
- Giving away prized possessions
How you can help:
Parents can talk to their children in an open, calm and non-accusatory manner
Consultant psychiatrist, Dr Thomas Lee, said: "When children feel they have someone safe in the family they can talk to, they feel better, more understood and that gives parents an opening to explain the value of seeing a mental health professional."
Build resilience by teaching them positive coping skills and telling them it is okay to ask for help
Dr Ong Say How, chief of the Institute of Mental Health's child and adolescent psychiatry department, said: "A warm, nurturing and cohesive family is critical in that it allows the child to feel safe enough to explore the external world outside himself or herself."
Do things together as a family, keeping to traditions and having a shared faith and belief system
Dr Ong added: "Let the child face challenges, even if they might make mistakes, (this) would aid in their developing a sense of responsibility, mastery, and confidence, (which are) important prerequisites for resilience cultivation."
Take all suicide threats or attempts seriously
Senior youth support worker, Ms Lee Yi Ping, said: "Eighty per cent of completed suicides have prior warning signs, which include having talked about it to someone else.
"Parents and family can help by watching out for warning signs, treat the distress or suicide thoughts displayed by their young family members seriously, offer emotional support and encourage them to seek professional support."
HELPLINES
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